


heart of glass

by Super_Danvers



Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Post 2x08, Pre Finale, Sapphic, alex cavill, alexandra cavill - Freeform, big alice - Freeform, melaudrey - implied, miss audrey x zarah ferami, ruth wardell - mentioned, snowpiercer - Freeform, snowpiercer tnt, soft, wilford - mentioned, wlw, zaudrey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 01:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30097884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Super_Danvers/pseuds/Super_Danvers
Summary: miss audrey returns to snowpiercer
Relationships: Miss Audrey & Alexandra Cavill, Miss Audrey & Melanie Cavill, Miss Audrey/Wilford (Snowpiercer), Miss Audrey/Zarah Ferami
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	heart of glass

The train was silent as the border opened. Only one person saw her off Big Alice and only two were waiting for her on Snowpiercer. The exchange was a cold, and quiet one. As Audrey reached the door, she paused and turned her head to look back. Alex was already gone. Audrey’s flitted to the floor, blinking back tears. Wilford’s absence felt like a weight off of her shoulders that was now laden into her heart. She looked ahead to where Ruth and Zarah were waiting with solemn faces. She took a deep breath. Her fear was gone and now, here was her guilt.

Snowpiercer shook as Audrey stepped over its threshold, lowly humming as if it were welcoming her back. She’d forgotten how much she’d missed the sounds of this engine. Big Alice was louder, less refined in its mechanics and constantly made noise that gave Audrey a headache. Snowpiercer could practically sing her to sleep.

Nobody spoke until the border had been shut and bolted behind Audrey’s back and there was a frosty air of silence for a few seconds as the huge hinges hit home. Not expecting hugs or welcome back’s, Audrey approached without so much as a smile. Her heels, the tall ones Wilford had given her and the ones she wished she wasn’t wearing, made loud echoes as they fell against the metal flooring with each awkward step she made.

Audrey stopped when she reached Zarah. Although they hadn’t been apart long, it was safe to say both women had changed. Zarah had turned in her leather blazer for the teal jacket she’d once feared. Her hair was now organised into a neat bun and she’d cut her bangs to create a neat line across her forehead. Audrey smiled at their closeness.

“It’s good to see you again, Zarah.” She said softly.

Zarah slapped her. Properly and truly slapped her with the back of her hand. She did it so fast that Audrey didn’t even see it coming. Neither did Ruth. Zarah moved like lightning and drove the back of her left hand across Audrey’s cheek. Ruth gasped as Audrey stumbled back slightly and had to grab hold of a railing to straighten herself again. She held her reddened cheek in shock. She couldn’t believe it. Neither Audrey nor Ruth had ever seen Zarah raise her voice, let alone hit somebody. The slap was definitely a blow in both senses of the word.

Ruth found her words. _“Zarah!”_

Zarah ignored her and scowled down at the brunette. “You’re such a fucking traitor, Audrey.” She spat.

Audrey, abandoning Ruth, followed. “How can you say that?” She shouted bitterly. Her cheek really hurt and she could feel the other one heating up in anger. “Seriously, Zarah, how the fuck can you say that? You don’t know what I went through over there!”

“Oh, sure I don’t!” Zarah snapped in response as she kept walking. “You look like you’ve been absolutely _tormented_ over there! What’s it been like, having a bathtub? Having hot water? Bet its real nice.”

“Oh, fuck you, you know that’s not what I meant! I came back didn’t I?”

Zarah pushed through a door and entered into the Nightcar. Luckily for both of them, it was empty at this time of the day so there would be no audience for their screaming match. She stopped at the bar.

“You promised me you would be safe, and you would come home if the mission failed.” Her tone became calmer and sounded more upset than angry. She sniffed, and glared at Audrey. “You were there for weeks, Audrey. I thought you were _dead_.”

Audrey softened. “I’m not dead.”

Zarah scoffed. “No, you’re _not_.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Look at yourself.” Zarah glanced Audrey up and down, observing the richer clothes and the ‘W’ pin in her beret, and her expression hardened. “You’ve become the very thing you didn’t want to be.”

The hurt in Audrey’s eyes was evident, and she tried to not let Zarah see the tears that were forming. Instead, she bittered and pursed her mouth to hide her wobbling lip. “And what about you, Zar?” She retorted. “With the teal blazer and the white shirt, you’ve become the type of people we used to laugh at.”

“I’m helping the train.”

“That’s horseshit and we both know it.” Audrey took a step closer, fixing Zarah with her sternest stare. “Don’t forget what that teal uniform did to you, Zarah, what they did to your people. Took arms, took lives, took everything. Starved you until you were nothing more than a bag of bones with a drug addiction and an affection for human flesh. Are you really so willing to step over onto their side? They can’t protect you now Wilford is in charge. The only side you’re safe on is his.”

She was inches from Zarah’s face by her last note. Zarah glared back at her with a defiant expression, clenching her jaw in her anger. She reached up and put one hand to Audrey’s exposed chest bone and gently pushed her back until she was at arm’s length. Tears were forming in her own eyes now, and the hurt in them was palpable. Zarah, however, wasn’t afraid to display her upset and let the tears slide down her cheeks.

“I don’t know who you are anymore.” She said softly. “I don’t know what Wilford did to you over there, but you’ve changed. The old Audrey didn’t care about differences. She never saw anybody as a Tailie, or Second-Class, or anything like that. The old Audrey always looked out for everybody and did what was right, no matter what. She fought for change against Wilford’s rule and campaigned for a better life for us in Third Class. The old Audrey would be disgusted with who you’ve become.” Zarah nudged herself off the bar and headed for the backdoor. She disappeared through it, but not before Audrey heard a small, ragged sob escape her frame.

++

The silence that Zarah left Audrey in was deafening. Audrey knew Zarah was right on every single point. She’d betrayed the train. She hadn’t meant to, hadn’t meant to slip into Wilford’s clutches, but she had all the same and now she was a traitor of the train. Those who once loved her now looked at her with such disgust that Audrey felt ill whenever she walked through the train.

Audrey kept to herself nowadays. She hadn’t been treated favourably by Big Alice’s residents and was now treated even less so by those of Snowpiercer. She couldn’t walk through a single car without being jeered at or spat on. All shows were cancelled and so were sessions in the back. Nobody trusted her anymore.

Whenever someone came into the Nightcar now was when they were looking for Zarah and they almost never found her there. With the baby still growing and her new job, Zarah was very rarely past the second-class cars anymore. Sometimes she would pass through on her way to see Layton, but most times she just took the subtrain to stay off of her feet.

Audrey missed Zarah. Much more than she did when she’d been on Big Alice. She missed the talks they used to have in the middle of the night where they would reminisce about their lives before the Freeze. Audrey always liked to hear Zarah talk about the baby and admired how proud she already was of her child. Zarah wanted to hear Audrey’s stories about her recording days and even though they usually sent her to sleep, she loved them regardless. Sometimes, in her sleep, Zarah would wrap her arms around Audrey, curl up close to her, and refuse to let go until morning. Audrey missed those most of all.

The only one who ever came to visit Audrey was Alex. It was a strange occurrence they seemed to have formed. Neither considered the other a friend and yet, enjoyed each other’s company without hardly saying a word. Alex would come into the dressing room, settle herself onto the chaise and usually spend between an hour and an hour and a half with a book or a cassette tape and sandwiches. Audrey just organised the same drawers over and over. She was pretty sure the teenager had noticed, but opted to never say anything.

Finally, Audrey couldn’t keep re-organising and so she turned in her chair and looked pointedly at the girl. “Why do you keep coming here?”

Alex looked up from her cassette tape which Audrey understood to be a radio drama of some sort and pulled her headphones off. “Huh?”

“I asked why you’re always here.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“What? No, just…” Audrey sighed. She’d forgotten how frustrating Alex could be. “I thought you didn’t like me.”

Alex shrugged. “I don’t.” She said, stretching her arms above her head. “But neither does Wilford and I want to be where he isn’t, so you’re my best bet, I figured.”

“Oh.”

Alex noticed the flicker of pain that crossed the woman’s features and sat up. “What’s the matter?”

Alex wasn’t one to ask about feelings, nor was she one to show them, so for her to ask someone she didn’t particularly like how they were feeling was a step and a half, to say the least. Audrey turned back and fiddled with her hands in her lap.

“I think you might be my only friend left in the world.”

“I’m not your friend.” Alex replied. Her tone wasn’t nasty or judgemental, just matter-of-fact. However, realising that her casual attitude wasn’t helping Audrey’s solemness, she adjusted. “You have friends on this train though, I’ve seen them before. There’s that one in the teal, what’s her name?”

“Ruth?”

“Other one.”

“Zarah?”

“Yeah, her.”

Audrey looked doubtful. “I don’t think I’m her friend.”

“Sure, you are. I saw her during the party, fretting over you when you were in the back with Wilford. She was really worried for you.” Alex replied. “I see her around uptrain. She’s nice. I think she misses you.”

“What makes you say that?”

Alex pointed to the leather satchel she’d brought with her. Her packed sandwiches were poking out the top. “She always gives me those when she knows I’m coming down here. Makes them with different fillings when she can. She’s pregnant, right? I reckon she’ll be a really good mom if she keeps this up.”

Audrey made a quiet noise of amusement. While Alex often unsettled her, she had an outlook on life that Audrey couldn’t help but admire. She was a very black-and-white character, it either was something or it wasn’t. No in between, no compromise, no grey. It was nice to know Zarah was looking out for the girl, even if she didn’t know her all too well. Audrey loved Zarah’s heart.

“I don’t think she’d do that if she hated you.” Alex muttered.

Lost in her thoughts, Audrey hadn’t even realised Alex was still talking. She shook her head. “Hm?”

“I said, I don’t think she’d be letting me see you if she hated you.” She repeated. “She’s not the boss of me, I know, but…well, anyway she cares, that’s all. You should value that.”

Audrey felt her heart grow three sizes. Of course, it was possible that Alex could be lying and she’d never said a word to Zarah in her life, but the sentiment of a nice thought lifted her spirits a bit. Besides, Alex was a terrible liar. “I will.” Audrey spoke. “You should mind what Zarah says, Alexandra. I think she’s one of the only souls left on this train who truly wants a better world to live in. You can trust her.”

Alex pulled out a sandwich. “I know.”

“Good.”

+

It was two weeks after that conversation that Zarah accompanied Alex to the Nightcar. The teenager said nothing as she entered the dressing room, only took her sandwiches and resumed her usual position on the chaise in the corner, burying herself into her cassettes and books. Zarah smiled as she watched her.

“Does she do that every time?”

Audrey shrugged. “Usually. Sometimes I get a ‘fuck you’ as a greeting, but this is pretty much it.”

Zarah chuckled, her eyes still on Alex. “Teenagers. I was like that as a kid.”

“Mouthy?”

_“Quiet.”_

God, Audrey thought, this felt easy. Just like old times. She knew it would be over soon enough and she couldn’t overstep any lines otherwise Zarah would retreat and be gone from her again. Just seeing her again was a huge step. Instead of her hospitality uniform, Zarah was dressed more like Zarah. A loose t-shirt, a cardigan that nearly reached her knees and what was probably the last pair of converses on Earth. Audrey thought she looked beautiful.

Realising she hadn’t said anything in a few minutes, Audrey moved. “Do you want a tea or something? I’ve got that herbal stuff you like.”

“I’m good, thank you.” Zarah replied. “I should be getting back, actually.”

“Oh.” _Shit. She’d gone too far. Shouldn’t have said anything about the tea. Idiot._ “Well, um, let me escort you out.”

“Thanks.”

_As if that wouldn’t make it anymore awkward._

Audrey stayed half a step behind Zarah as they left the dressing room and walked out onto the empty dance floor. She glanced over her shoulder as they walked.

“How’s the baby?”

Zarah’s arm subconsciously came around her stomach. Her bump still wasn’t showing a great deal but as the weeks went on, it was understandable that she was getting more and more protective of herself. “Baby’s good. I have to stay off my feet though. Wilford’s orders.” She hesitated. “To be honest, I just think he doesn’t want me going to see Andre.”

“How is Andre?”

“As well as you can imagine.” Zarah mumbled. “He’s kept in a cage all day with just a guard for company. I think seeing the bump makes him happy: that’s why Wilford doesn’t want me seeing him. He wants to break him.”

“Jesus.”

“I just want him to be alright.” Zarah stopped walking. There was a silence as she gazed around the empty car and a sadness hung in the air. “Alex said you were all alone in here.”

Audrey shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I’m not exactly people’s guardian angel anymore. She comes to visit now and again when she wants to get away from Wilford.”

Zarah nodded. “She misses her mother. I suppose you’re a comfort to her.”

Audrey hadn’t thought about it like that. _Idiot, how could you forget about Melanie?_ The train hadn’t heard from their head engineer in a long time and even Bennett was starting to lose hope. Audrey mentally smacked herself for forgetting. No wonder Alex had been coming to hide in the Nightcar. If she couldn’t be close to the only person she loved, she could be close to one of the few people her mother loved. She’d probably figured out Wilford had no intention of stopping the train for Melanie and knew she wouldn’t be seeing her mother again any time soon. It explained the books and cassettes too: Audrey knew those to be Melanie’s.

_Oh Audrey, you idiot._

She stared at the dressing room door absent-mindedly. “Has there been any word from Melanie?”

“No.” Zarah replied grimly. Her voice became quiet, and scared. “Audrey?”

“Yes?”

“I know we haven’t been talking recently but…” She drifted off, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “Would it be alright if I stayed here tonight?”

Audrey frowned. “Of course. What’s wrong with your apartment?”

“It’s not safe uptrain anymore. Anyone who isn’t loyal to Wilford disappears. You know Murray, the Australian? Nobody’s seen him in days. Or Strong Boy, or Lights. Even Winnipeg can’t be found. People are just…going missing. Vanishing into thin air.”

“They’re not on Big Alice?”

Zarah shook her head. “They’re not anywhere. Ruth has sent out three search parties and they can’t find them. They’re not on Snowpiercer or Big Alice.” Her eyes darted around, and she leaned in close to Audrey so they were centimetres apart. She spoke in a whisper. “ _Did you know_ _they found Roche in the Drawers_?”

Audrey swallowed, hard. She knew that. She’d practically put him there herself. Wilford had sent her to escort him there after Layton’s arrest and as far as Audrey was aware, he’d joined his wife and daughter in the Drawers. Zarah didn’t need to know that.

“His family too, Carly and Anne. They’re all in the Drawers. The whole train is falling apart, Audrey. Nowhere is safe anymore. Half of First-Class got sentenced to a lung of ice last night, just because they were dissatisfied with the food.” Zarah’s hand found Audrey’s arm. “I’m scared. I’m really scared.”

Audrey wanted to point out that if Wilford was getting rid of enemies, then it was likely that she was high on that list. As was Zarah, probably. Audrey knew he wasn’t above murdering pregnant women. But, with Zarah looking this desperate and looking that desperate for her, a selfish part of her couldn’t say no.

“You can stay here. Nobody comes here anymore, you’ll be safe, I promise you.”

“Thank you. Really, thank you.”

Audrey nodded. “What about Alex? I don’t want to send her back up if she won’t be safe.”

“Alex will go where she feels is safest for her.” Zarah pointed out. “We aren’t in charge of her.”

“No, but we owe to Melanie to keep her daughter safe, don’t you think? Last time I checked she left that responsibility to Ruth and I don’t see Ruth here. We also need to consider the fact that Melanie might not be coming back and if that’s the case, it looks like Alex is ours to look after, whether she likes it or not.”

Zarah stared at her. “Since when did you get all responsible?”

Audrey squeezed Zarah’s hand. “You said you preferred old Audrey, didn’t you? Well, she’s making a comeback.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, I don't know what this is. I listened to the heart of glass crabtree remix and went wild


End file.
